In my work as an RTT therapist and hypnotherapist, I often tell clients this:
If everything suddenly feels harder just as you decide to change, you’re not failing — you’re encountering resistance.
And more specifically, you’re encountering the resistance of the ego.
The ego is one of the most misunderstood aspects of the human psyche. It is frequently framed as something negative, something to “get rid of” or transcend. But in reality, the ego is not malicious. It is not broken. It is not your enemy.
The ego is overworked.
It formed early, took on far too much responsibility, and has been trying to keep you safe ever since. The problem is that what kept you safe once often keeps you small now.
As Michael A. Singer so beautifully explores in The Untethered Soul, most of us live our lives from inside the voice in our head — the part of us that narrates, judges, worries, plans, replays, and predicts. This voice believes it is us. In truth, it is a mechanism. A protective structure. A survival strategy.
And when you begin to change — truly change — that structure will resist you with everything it has.
The Ego’s Original Job: Protection
To understand why the ego resists change, we need to understand why it exists at all.
The ego forms very early in life, long before we have the emotional or cognitive maturity to process our experiences. As children, we are completely dependent on our environment. We cannot leave. We cannot challenge. We cannot reframe.
So the psyche adapts.
When something hurts, confuses, frightens, or overwhelms us, the mind creates meaning around it:
- It’s my fault
- I’m not safe
- Love leaves
- I have to stay quiet
- I must work harder to be valued
- If I relax, everything will fall apart
These meanings harden into beliefs. And those beliefs become holding patterns — unconscious emotional and behavioural loops that run in the background of our lives.
From the ego’s perspective, this is success.
It has taken chaos and turned it into predictability. It has taken pain and built rules around it. It has learned, “If we do X, we survive.”
The issue is that the ego does not update its software.
What kept you safe at five, ten, or fifteen years old is rarely what allows you to thrive as an adult.
Holding Patterns and Self-Fulfilling Realities
One of the most painful aspects of ego-based living is that it tends to prove itself right.
If deep down you carry the belief that relationships are unsafe, you may unconsciously choose partners who confirm that belief.
If you believe that success leads to loss or rejection, something will always seem to go wrong just as things begin to expand.
If you believe that peace is temporary, the nervous system will remain vigilant, scanning for the next problem.
From the ego’s point of view, this isn’t sabotage — it’s confirmation.
See? I told you so. This is how the world works.
This is why so many people feel stuck in repeating cycles despite conscious effort, insight, or even years of personal development. The ego is not responding to logic. It is responding to perceived threat.
And nothing threatens the ego more than change.
When Change Begins, Resistance Appears
I saw this very clearly with a male client I worked with who had recently made the brave decision to leave a deeply dysfunctional relationship.
On the surface, it was a healthy, conscious choice. He knew the relationship was harming him emotionally and psychologically. He had clarity. He had resolve. He had taken action.
And then, almost immediately, everything began to unravel.
His business slowed.
His bank issues multiplied.
His car broke down.
Unexpected expenses appeared.
Delays, obstacles, frustrations — one after another.
He said to me, “It feels like everything is going wrong at once.”
This is a moment where many people turn inward and conclude:
- I’ve made the wrong decision
- I should go back
- Maybe I can’t cope on my own
- Nothing ever works out for me
But from a therapeutic perspective, what was happening was something else entirely.
These weren’t random failures.
They were preventers.
Preventers: The Ego’s Last Line of Defence
When the ego senses that a familiar identity is dissolving — the one who stays, copes, endures, survives — it goes into overdrive.
It throws up obstacles not necessarily to punish you, but to slow you down.
If you’re busy fixing problems, you’re not moving forward.
If you’re stressed, you’re not expanding.
If you’re doubting yourself, you’re more likely to retreat to what’s familiar.
The ego would rather you return to known pain than step into unknown freedom.
From the ego’s perspective, the old relationship — however dysfunctional — was predictable. It knew the rules. It knew how to survive there. Leaving meant uncertainty, emotional exposure, and identity change.
And so the ego generated a familiar message:
Life is hard. You can’t manage alone. You need what you had.
This is not conscious manipulation. It is conditioned protection.
Why the Ego Resists Spiritual Awakening
Spiritual awakening, healing, and emotional freedom all share one thing in common:
They require surrender.
And surrender is terrifying to an ego that believes control equals safety.
For many of us, our lived experiences have taught us that love is conditional, that peace doesn’t last, and that joy invites loss. So when spiritual teachings talk about trust, love, openness, and expansion, the ego quietly responds:
That’s not realistic.
That’s not safe.
That won’t work for you.
The ego has evidence. It can point to heartbreak, disappointment, abandonment, failure. It uses your past as proof that spiritual actualisation is for “other people.”
And so it resists.
Not because enlightenment is wrong — but because the ego has no frame of reference for safety beyond what it already knows.
As Singer points out, the voice in the head is constantly trying to manage life so that nothing disturbs its inner equilibrium. But true awakening isn’t about control — it’s about allowing life to move through you without resistance.
To the ego, that feels like annihilation.
Staying Small Feels Safer Than Expanding
One of the most subtle ways the ego keeps us stuck is by convincing us that small is sensible.
Don’t want too much.
Don’t hope too big.
Don’t trust fully.
Don’t relax yet.
Because if you stay small, you won’t be disappointed.
But you also won’t be fulfilled.
In my client’s case, the external chaos triggered a deep internal questioning of his worth, capability, and decision-making. This wasn’t about the car or the bank or the business.
It was about identity.
Who am I without the struggle?
Who am I without the role of “the one who endures”?
Who am I if life doesn’t revolve around fixing, coping, and surviving?
The ego had built itself around those questions — and it wasn’t ready to let go.
Healing Isn’t the Absence of Resistance — It’s Awareness of It
This is where RTT and hypnotherapy become so powerful.
We don’t fight the ego.
We don’t shame it.
We don’t try to silence it by force.
Instead, we bring awareness to it.
We trace beliefs back to their origin.
We uncover the emotional imprint that created the holding pattern.
We update the nervous system’s understanding of safety.
Because the ego relaxes when it realises:
I don’t need to protect us this way anymore.
When the subconscious begins to experience safety in expansion rather than contraction, the resistance softens.
Life doesn’t suddenly become problem-free — but problems stop being interpreted as proof that you’re on the wrong path.
They become part of the recalibration.
Together we de-hypnotising the beliefs that nolonger serving you.
When Resistance Appears, Growth Is Near
One of the most important re-frames I offer clients is this:
Resistance often shows up right before a breakthrough.
Not because something is wrong — but because something is changing.
The ego resists because it senses the loss of control. But beyond that resistance is a different way of living — one less governed by fear, history, and unconscious belief.
As you begin to untether from the voice in your head, as Singer describes, you start to observe your thoughts rather than obey them. You notice the patterns without being owned by them.
And slowly, the ego learns that you are not trying to destroy it — only to lead from somewhere deeper.
A Gentle Invitation
If you recognise yourself in this — if you feel that sense of “Why is everything going wrong just as I’m trying to move forward?” — I want you to know this:
You are not broken.
You are not regressing.
You are not failing.
You are encountering an old system that is afraid of the new.
With the right support, it is possible to release the beliefs that no longer serve you, calm the overworked ego, and step into a life that isn’t defined by holding patterns and preventers.
Change doesn’t require force.
It requires understanding, compassion, and the courage to stay present as the old defences soften.
And on the other side of that resistance is not chaos — but freedom.
When you’re ready to let go of the old and let in the new, book a free, obligation call at https://calendly.com/inspired-minds/free-chat