Understanding Subconscious Trauma.
We’ve all been there. Faced with a situation we don’t like – whether it’s a dead-end job, a strained relationship, or unhealthy habits – we often find ourselves stuck in a cycle of moaning, complaining and inactivity. Instead of making changes, we sit and stew, vent to friends, cogitate and replay the same irritations and frustrations over and over in our minds. But here’s the million-dollar question: Why?
Why, when the solution seems clear and within reach, do we often choose to remain passive? Why do we sit in the unhappy relationship or painful experience and choose to tolerate it? Why do we keep waiting, as if someone else is going to swoop in and fix everything for us? Do we think it’s going to miraculously improve, or perhaps if we moan enough we’ll distract ourself from the pain?
Here’s a thing – having lived in an abusive relationship for years, I remember a New York psychologist saying to me “the fact that you tolerated the behaviour for as long as you did, shows a huge strength of character; but the mere fact that you chose to tolerate the behaviour shows an error in decision making”. It blew my mind! What was I waiting for?
The answer lies in a psychological phenomenon known as learned helplessness, with roots often entangled in subconscious trauma. This blog will explore the reasons behind our tendency to “sit in a situation” and moan about it, and offer insights into how subconscious experiences can trap us in patterns of inertia.
The Trap of Learned Helplessness: Waiting for a Rescue
Learned helplessness is a psychological condition where a person feels powerless to change their circumstances, even when opportunities for change exist. This concept was first studied by psychologists Martin Seligman and Steven Maier in the 1960s. In their experiments, they found that dogs, after experiencing repeated exposure to inescapable shocks, stopped trying to escape – even when the path to freedom was clear. They had learned that their actions had no effect on their situation and, as a result, stopped trying altogether.
Humans, it turns out, are quite similar. Over time, repeated exposure to stress, failure, or adversity can condition us to believe that nothing we do will make a difference. We lose faith in our ability to change our lives, and in turn, we develop a passive mindset. We stop seeking solutions and instead become resigned to our fate. This resignation often manifests as complaining, blaming external factors, or just hoping that someone -anyone – will come along to “rescue” us from our problems.
But no one is coming. The reality is that we are the ones responsible for changing our circumstances. So, why don’t we?
The Comfort of Familiar Discomfort
One of the reasons we stay stuck is because, ironically, there’s comfort in familiarity, even if what’s familiar is painful. It’s far easier to complain about a situation we know than to risk making changes that could lead to unknown outcomes. There’s a psychological safety in what we’ve come to accept, even if it’s dissatisfaction.
Fear of failure plays a huge role here. If we take action and fail, we’re back where we started, but now with bruised egos and shattered hopes. So, instead, we opt to “stay safe” by staying still. Even though the status quo is painful, it’s predictable. And predictability is comfortable.
This learned helplessness is reinforced by a world that, at times, seems designed to keep us passive – constant media bombardment, overwhelming responsibilities, financial constraints, and societal pressure all contribute to a sense of powerlessness. It becomes easy to blame external circumstances for our inaction.
Subconscious Trauma: The Hidden Hand in Our Inaction
While learned helplessness can explain a lot of our passivity, it doesn’t tell the whole story. Much of our tendency to remain stuck is deeply rooted in subconscious trauma – experiences from our past that have shaped how we perceive ourselves and the world.
Trauma, especially in early life, teaches us certain beliefs that become embedded in our psyche. For example, someone who grew up in an environment where their needs were often ignored or minimised might internalise the belief that their actions don’t matter, or that they’re not worthy of change. These beliefs, often formed in childhood, lurk beneath the surface and subtly shape how we respond to adversity in adulthood.
For someone carrying unresolved trauma, sitting and complaining can feel like a safer option than confronting the emotional pain of the past. The subconscious mind tends to avoid triggers that remind us of previous trauma, even if that means remaining in unhealthy situations. In essence, our inaction becomes a protective mechanism – a way to avoid reliving the helplessness we felt in earlier experiences.
Externalising Responsibility: Who Are We Waiting For?
Another factor at play is the tendency to externalise responsibility. When we moan about our problems without taking action, we’re often subconsciously waiting for someone else to step in and fix things. Whether it’s waiting for a boss to notice our hard work and offer a promotion, waiting for a partner to realise our emotional needs, or waiting for “the universe” to give us a break, we place our fate in the hands of others.
This externalisation can come from a deep-seated belief that we’re not capable or worthy of making changes on our own. It’s as if we’re waiting for permission from an outside force to take control of our lives, rather than recognising that the power to change is already within us.
Breaking Free from the Cycle
So, how do we break free from the learned helplessness and subconscious trauma that keep us trapped in inaction?
- Awareness: The first step is becoming aware of the patterns in your life. Are you constantly complaining about something without making any effort to change it? Recognising the cycle is key to breaking free from it.
- Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Using RTT we can change the subconscious beliefs that are keeping you stuck. Hypnotherapy helps to uncover and reframe the negative self-perceptions that hold you back.
- Take Small, Measurable Steps: Overcoming learned helplessness isn’t about making drastic changes overnight. Start with small, manageable actions. Prove to yourself that you can influence your circumstances, even in minor ways.
- Address Past Trauma: Healing unresolved trauma is a crucial step in reclaiming your agency. RTT, Hypnotherapy, somatic practices or other healing practices can help you release the emotional weight that’s been holding you back.
- Shift Your Mindset: Instead of waiting for external validation or change, adopt a mindset of ownership. Ask yourself, “What small thing can I do today to improve my situation?” Shifting from a passive to an active stance in life can empower you to regain control.
It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of complaining, waiting for change, and feeling powerless. But the truth is, we are often far more capable than we give ourselves credit for. While learned helplessness and subconscious trauma can make us feel trapped, they don’t define us. By taking responsibility for our own lives, challenging our limiting beliefs, and working through our past trauma, we can break free from the chains of inaction.
Ultimately, the power to change your life is already within us all – we just have to believe it. So, ask yourself: Who are you waiting for?
The answer might surprise you. You’ve been waiting for yourself all along.